Oh boy, oh boy. I don’t know where to start here. This movie is crazy. CRAZY! Like banana foster nuts crazy. Mmmm nuts. I want nuts. I’d like bacon more tho. I think I smelled bacon grease in the trash. Is there bacon in there too? If there’s grease, there’s bacon. Isn’t that what they say? I don’t know. I wanna dig through the trash. Wait, no! No! I wanna talk about this movie. Because it’s really good. I give it four bones-- no, FIVE bones. How many bones can I give a movie? I give however many bones I can possibly give to this movie. A Dog’s Purpose, wow. This movie is crazy. There’s this dog, right? It’s born as one kind of dog, then it becomes other kinds of dogs later on. Get it? It’s crazy
So what happens is this dog is born as one kind of dog, then it’s that kind of dog for awhile. Then the dog dies or something, then it comes back to life as another kind of dog. Isn’t that weird? How does that work? I’ve never been another kind of dog. Get this, I’m a pit bull now. But what if I become a Jack Russell later on, but I still remember being a pit bull? That’s cray-cray, heavy on the cray. Crazy, I’m telling ya. CRAZY! And why does the dog sound like the snowman from Frozen? That movie was crazy too, but I don’t remember any dogs in it, so it sucks. Don’t watch Frozen. Watch this movie. There’s a bunch of dogs in it, but it’s the same dog. That’s the twist. Isn’t that crazy? And all the dogs run a lot and eat food and things. I like food. When I see a dog eating food in a movie, it always makes me hungry. And whenever a part comes up with the dog running around, I can’t help but run around in circles in the living room. Sometimes I bark, but then I’m told to be quiet, unless I’m home by myself, then I can bark all I want.
But I can’t watch this movie if no one is home because I don’t know how the frisbee disc player works. Is that what they’re called? Frisbee discs? They’re not like regular frisbees, they’re shiny and thin. And I’m not allowed to fetch or chew on those. Tried it once, got yelled at. Now we can’t watch Frozen on frisbee disc anymore. But I would never chew on the frisbee disc to this movie because I want to watch it all the time, except for when I’m outside or digging in the garbage. Or when the neighbors dogs are barking. They’re always barking. They want me to know they’re dogs, and so I let them know I’m a dog too, and we go back and forth like that until I get yelled at. It’s usually a pretty short conversation. But as much as I like barking, I love watching this movie more. It’s my favorite movie. There’s no other movie that even compares to this movie. I love it, and if you don’t love it you’re dumb.